Kids are great.
They force us to examine ourselves and situational life in ways that we’d likely (read: preferably) gloss over and largely ignore. Their struggles allow us to impart some of our “expertise” and wisdom to help them better navigate stormy waters, while at the same time putting a mirror in front of our own faces allow us to simultaneously speak words of life to them while we slowly, painfully have our own shortcomings appear before our eyes.
Think of the Pharisees who cast the woman caught in adultery at Jesus’ feet in John chapter 8….the looks on their faces when He said to them “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first”, and when they were “convicted in their conscience” and “went out one by one, from the oldest even to the last”.
Recently, I was having a conversation with a dear friend of mine about our kids that ended up developing into a pretty neat examination of some of the nuanced differences in determining if a child is “qualified” (more on that in a bit) to stand in a position of example over others in their same peer group.
The sometimes-tense discussion centered around the concept of the appropriateness of a child taking a position of moral authority over a peer when the child struggles in related areas of social interactions. In the days since the conversation, my mind has been marinading on the balance between the two equally valid positions — the necessary correction and rebuke of a person actively engaging in activities both at odds with their professed faith and detrimental to their physical well being, and the necessary sending forth of said person into areas of life requiring better decision-making choices in ways that will both reinforce and encourage them to more beneficial and honorable conduct.
Central to the issue is personal integrity: the concept of having your external words and conduct align with your internal beliefs.
We touched a little on one word in the premise: qualification. Strictly speaking, none of us are purely qualified; there is not one among us who has perfectly corraled the mind, heart, and tongue so as to be able to say to another “I am superior to you in this”.
After all, some of the most resonant voices in various areas of struggle are not those who have been immune to those struggles, but rather those who were entangled in them before Jesus helped them gain victory over them.
More practically though, there is also wisdom in not setting yourself up as an implied authority in an area you are actively “misbehaving”. You can’t really disqualify everyone who has fallen short, as there would be no one left to speak truth and life into others, but you don’t want to be an active hypocrite, either.
Sadly, our kids inhabit a world where “inclusiveness” is far more than the simple “treat everyone equally regardless of external appearances” mantra of the previous generation. Today, the term also involves an air of “no one has any right to judge anyone else’s beliefs or conduct” that invariably leads to the “only God can judge me” mindset that people use to effectively shut down any uncomfortable examination of their conduct.
Maintaining one’s integrity in a day and age where it’s highly frowned upon for anyone to speak out against your conduct is a tricky proposition for all, but even more so for younger folks more easily swayed by the desire to be accepted by their peers.
In the case of a kid wanting to assert a standard of conduct over a peer — as in protectively informing a young man that a girl he wants to date is a precious, loved treasure who has many protective male family and friends who will protect her against disrespect — the one wanting to communicate just how intensely she will be protected should also expect the inevitable “Yeah, but who are you to tell me when you yourself (insert disrespectful behavior here)”.
There are realistically only two defenses to such a rebuttal: first, never having engaged in any relevant disrespectful behavior, or second, humbly recognizing past shortcomings while actively forging a new path of respect and honorable interactions.
Both are tough these days.
In past generations, the social expectation of respectful interactions was far more widespread. Today, prevalent disrespect and the ability to emotionally isolate from anyone who steps up to correct or rebuke such behavior makes it a tremendous challenge for young people to operate in a realm of integrity. But such only makes integrity all the more precious of a commodity.
So how do we build and encourage integrity in those God has entrusted to us to train up?
We’re in the same battle our kids are in.
As each of us has fallen short, we have to keep in mind just how viciously our Enemy seeks to drive wedges of division between us, to keep us from striving together for each other’s good. He seeks to isolate us from each other and pit us against each other, so that rather than uniting in the field hospital to bandage each other’s wounds and regroup for the next battle, we are tricked into thinking the other is our enemy and get drawn into mortal combat with those we’re called to stand shoulder to shoulder with.
As the battle rages, we have to diagnose if/when each other’s actions drift from our Biblical instruction. As Paul wrote to Timothy about a good soldier not entangling himself in worldly affairs so he can please the One who enlisted him (2 Timothy 2:4), he then went on to remind him:
All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.
(2 Timothy 3:16-17)
That “course correction” — the literal definition of “repentance” — is a necessary part of every believer’s walk. And while we typically do not enjoy being corrected, as we grow in our walk with Him we should also learn how it’s necessary and beneficial to us to accept correction.
It then falls on us to take that correction and do something with it, so that our commanding officers in this life can in turn send us back out onto the battlefield to walk in such a way that we can influence others to also “course correct”, looking to the Savior for the gift of redemption and allowing Him to work in and through them to reach even more.
Sending them back out into the battle without the correction degrades the integrity of the messenger and badly taints the message; dwelling on the prior wrong heading without sending them back out into the battle makes the soldier bitter that they’re being withheld from the battlefield they were enlisted to do battle upon and keeps them from being able to grow and find victory in areas they previously fell short.
If we want them to be able to walk worthy of the One who called them, we have to do both: course correct and send back out to try again. Anything less stunts their growth, and it also robs those in their sphere of influence of the voice and example our course-corrected kids were put in place to offer them.
After all, what is gained by training up a soldier only to never send him into the battle? Instill the integrity, then unleash them upon their world. A whole generation of believers depends upon it.
JasonsDevos -- Thoughts and Daily Insights 